Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
