dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
