We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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