Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
