Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
The best revenge is premature balding
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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