I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
