i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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