oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
two words: eviction party
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
