At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
