shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
