She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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