I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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