What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
