Someone shit on the floor
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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