Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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