The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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