No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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