Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
