At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
