Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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