We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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