I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
