Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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