Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
