I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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