This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
