I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
