happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
