im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
