evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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