Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
