ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
