I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
