My first STD was from a foam party
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
