I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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