There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
