to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
