Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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