New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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