We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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