i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
