Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
