My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
