if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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