are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Dick very happy bro
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
