I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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