Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
