My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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