the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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