I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
