roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
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