Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
It's official drugs can't kill me
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
