i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
