girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
