Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
