dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
